“Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” Megan Devine
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year….”A phrase I’m sure a few of us have heard or hummed over the last little while. But while this lyric often symbolizes a season that could only possibly exist inside of a perfect little snow globe, sometimes that very globe gets shaken up, twisted, turned right over & back again. And for this, I feel compelled to speak on behalf of all of us who find this time of year particularly challenging.
I think the fact that IT IS the most wonderful time of the year is what makes heartache of any kind so much more difficult. Or is it that without one you never do get the other? I know I’m not alone in saying the month of December can be combination of pure bliss along with a pretty steady set of tears. A cruel combination of love & loss. But then somehow, as time goes on, it must transform back again, in the most beautiful yet unforgiving way, into that very song we’ve grown to both love & dislike.
On December 24, 2009 I lost the most magical man I’d ever known. My dear Papa closed his eyes in this dimension & opened them in another. While the memories I hold close are full of love, laughter & genuine gratitude for such a vibrant spirit, there’s still this longing for the presence of my role model. There are thoughts of sadness for the tough month he endured just prior to his passing & it all comes crashing over me as if I’m caught under a wave & can’t seem to find the surface. The day-to-day during this time can be difficult to find any sense of presence. And then there’s the thought of what life would be like today if I hadn’t lost my most recent spirit baby. Any day now & I’d be a mother of 2 sweet souls who journeyed through me to join us all on this walk through life. There’s a sense of longing for what that would look like & feel like…a true loss in what will never be.
To my dear friends who have lost loved ones recently or have been carrying a loss with them for many years, to those with family members or friends who are currently struggling, & really, to anyone who is experiencing any form of heartache, as Gabrielle Bernstein says, “Keep it in the day.” My prayers are with you.
I don’t believe that time itself heals…BUT I DO believe that time HELPS. It’s a constant practice of learning how to move forward carrying this grief along with us. Just as I’m sure my own Papa’s world had been shaken up many times over, he still found the resolve to provide me with that perfect snow globe…& as time passes, I know it’s within me to do the same for those looking up to me.
So on behalf of all of you who find this time of year challenging, be g e n t l e with yourself & know you’re not alone.
A gentle reminder to ALL OF US to slow down, carry yourself with a little more grace, mindfully speak with a softer sweetness, practice the pause & remember that everyone is fighting a battle which you know nothing about. Every ounce of kindness (no matter how big or small) speaks VOLUMES & matters more than you may ever know.
A little sprinkle of compassion goes a long way…it truly is all part of making this the most wonderful, yet challenging, time of the year.